Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

487320_671407048033_2131453871_nMy wife and I normally a sucker for anything seasonal.  But we’ve been trying not to be impulsive with our money just because we see something pretty on Hulu (via their commercials since we don’t have cable – please see my article on why we will never need to buy cable again!).  So when my wife, Malia, informed me that McDonald’s Shamrock Shake was back in season I knew I had to try to help her not make an impulsive buy.  Apparently she has submission issues…

We went ahead to McDonald’s after she picked me up from Church to wet our pallets with some minty ice cream goodness.  The commercials were so appealing after all.  The promise of a light green minty ice cream shake.  Who ain’t have time for that?

Even as we pull up into the drive through we are bombarded by pictures of this delightful shake which apparently is going to solve all our problems and make us smile ridiculously hard – according to the ads. Six bucks later we get our shakes and on our way.

Then we notice the horror that rests in our cup holders.

shamrockshake2-thumb-250x396Now that they are putting the shakes in the clear plastic cups – you can see exactly what your drinking.  Which isn’t the evenly smooth light green color with some streaks of white running along the sides of the cup to give a “I’ve been mixed via a blender look” What we got were very dark patches green of syrup in an other wise slimy looking drink.

We thought, “Maybe it still tastes good…” WRONG.  Both of us got a MASSIVE hit of green mint syrup at the bottom of the drink that made me go temporarily blind.  (I sure hope it was the shake or I probably need to go see a doctor immediately.)  We took these disgusting drinks back and ask for fresher ones.  They try to pour me more but the “mint syrup” was almost gone so I watch them pour more syrup into this filthy container on the floor that was connected to a hose that mixed it with the “shake”  Then I watched as he poured us new drinks that looked and tasted even worst than the previous ones.

Conclusion
Don’t buy this death in a cup.  I’ll be the first to admit I need to do a better job about what I consume.  But this is a true waste of money and honestly is probably a determent to the health of anyone who stares at it for longer than 5 seconds.

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So I’m sitting here watching the superbowl.  I get up to make some cheese dip and all of a sudden I’m not hearing anything… I look at the screen and most of the stadium is dark… No speakers… no lights… Wow…. All I can do is laugh.

Growing up, I’ll admit it, our family (as a kid) had the power cut out on us when we couldn’t afford to pay… But… Common.  The power company didn’t have to cut the power DURING the Superbowl?!  Common NFL… All the mad money you’re making during this Super Bowl and yall couldn’t pay the power company?  Hey, NFL, just give me a call and I’ll let you know about how to use “BillPay”  hahah Oh well… Let endless amounts of mocking the NFL begin!

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With all the wonderful major advances in medicine, bioengineering & the world’s connectedness, I think we can all agree we are but a few short years away from something going horribly wrong in a lab (probably in Europe) thus bringing on the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse.  Are you ready?

A sign I saw in "Five Below" today. We laugh now, but one day these signs will replace "No Parking" signs.

This is a new hobby of mine.  Preparing for these creatures was never really on my radar until a friend of mine, (who also has a gaming website, Confidant Gamers, check it out.) was driving in the car with me.  We were talking about video games and the people we play with.  Then the conversation took a turn, after mentioning another person he said, “He’s one of the people who would be on my team when the Zombie Apocalypse begins.  You gotta have the right people with the right skills, for example…”  The next 10 minutes revealed 3 things to me:

  1. His thoroughness was unsettling. He had really thought this through!
  2. His list made for a team of people that could rival the skills of “Seal Team Six
  3. I was not on this list…

What do I have to offer?  Nothing!  No skills worthy of fending off the undead.  I would last a week at best.  But no worries, I’ve got at least a few more years before the inevitable break out.  I must figure out what skills I need to learn to become valuable in this new world.  Being able to play guitar just won’t cut it, unless I equip that guitar with a semi-automatic?

All I know is that this sign in Five Blow that I took a picture of today was a chilling reminder that I need to get better at my Zombie Apocalypse skills if I’m going to survive.  Archery Class here I come!  Maybe… Unless I get distracted by something else.  Leave a comment telling me how you are preparing!

-Theo